Thursday, May 6, 2010

Judas, Facebook, and Missing the Point

First of all, yes I am aware that I've been delinquent in updating this blog but in my defense, I think there's only like one of you that reads it and I got busy. Last year of graduate school will do that to you. Not only was I juggling school, switching jobs, and a relationship (which is enough 'busy' to drive a woman straight to Coldstone Creamery for some stress relief) but I also have a new love in my life...it's called Shoedazzle. We all know I'm a shoe-a-holic and Shoedazzle is my fix...monthly! Go look it up but before you register, email me and I'll send you an invite. That way I get free shoes when three people register from my invites and let's face it, it's really all about what I get out of it, right? Of course, to get three invites off of this blog, someone is going to have to start reading it. Conundrum.

Ok, here's the real meat and potatoes because that title I posted up there doesn't have anything to do with the above paragraph.

As I mentioed above, I have been juggling a relationship as of late. Since I nickname all the men in my life something nice and appropriate for blogging purposes, we'll be calling him Judas. You're about to see why. So, I met Judas several months ago and did what every girl does when they meet a new guy that has asked them out: I tried to check him out through Facebook. As it turns out, he had no Facebook account. Seriously, I thought everyone had one. Even my grandmother has one. Now I understand there are a few people out there that are overly concerned with privacy settings and negative impact it could have on those looking for new jobs, etc. but I'm far too big of a narcissist to think the security ramifications outweigh the idea that people might be "studying" me. After all, I think I'm fascinating and I really just want other people to find me fascinating. So, this aversion to social media that my new beau had kind of ruffled my feathers? I mean, he hasn't opened a Facebook page if for no other reason than to go look at my page? Come on!

Seeing that there was nothing I could do to rectify the situation, I had no choice but to let it go. Now we can fast forward to about 2 weeks ago and I get a FB friends request from Mr. Social Media Averse. I'm all "Yay!" But not for very long. You see, as a newbie on FB, Mr. Social Media Averse wasn't completely clear on what everyone could and could not see from his stream. Oh the endless possibilities associated with that kind of confusion, right?

So, earlier this week I went to his FB page and noticed that this girl left him a wall post that said something along the lines of "Hey, nice to see you finally joined FB, it's about time!" No biggie, didn't even really catch my eye until I saw that there were 11 comments. I probably would have gone back to whatever I was doing if I'd seen it while I was at home but I was at work in the midst of a fit of procrastination so I clicked to see what the 11 comments were. I almost gave up after the first couple back-and-forth exchanges of small talk and "catching up." But then my eye spotted the last one. So, at one point she says, "How is everything going for you? Instead of trying to have a conversation on here, just call me when you get time and we'll finish catching up." His response to that is where we ran into a hiccup. It said, "I don't have a lady right now, so yeah, but you need to send me your number, I don't have it."

Um...what?

My first instinct was to respond with a message that said, "Well, you DID have a lady until I read THAT. Have a nice life." But, I did that thing where you take deep breaths and count to 10 and picture a "breakup argument" typed out in black and white and posted to Failbook. So, I did the next most immature thing and texted him. In my defense, he was at work and he can't really answer the phone much when he's at work. I asked why he'd say he doesn't have a lady and he comes back with this piece of literary genius, "I just don't want my personal life posted all over Facebook." Ok, Seriously, What?!

I got all Engineer on him which is what I do when I'm mad so I gave him an outline of how that is a stupid thing to say.
1. That statement has absolutely no bearing on why I'm mad at you.
2. She didn't even ask you about your love life so you didn't have to say anything about whether you're attached or single. You just offer up information about being single (which you aren't) to a girl that didn't ask? We all know what that is - it's a booty call request.
3. Even if she had asked, denying my existence is disrespectful. (Did you never read the story of Judas in the Bible growing up?) (insert A-ha moment where you understand why I'm naming him Judas)
4. You lied to her, what are you lying to me about?
5. Sitting here spouting off some bologna spin about how FB is ruining your privacy when I directly asked you why you lied about being single is even more disrespect to me.

So, I ended it....via text because I'm classy like that. He sent me roughly 846 texts over the last few days (Ok, so it was closer to 10) which I've mostly ignored. But, I don't feel bad about ending it.

But here's the kick on the throat...literally. So, if I count back, it was about 14 days ago that Judas called me from work to tell me he was going home early because he was running a high fever and had a super sore throat. I didn't think much of it and avoided him until after he was all well. But, I knew I'd seen him about 3 days before he got sick so I immediately starting bulking up on the Zinc and Vitamin C. And....I THOUGHT I was in the clear until yesterday...when I woke up with a sore throat. However, I live in Atlanta, it's pollen season, I've been known to have allergies...so maybe I'm not sick. Well, by lunch time I was running a fever and starting to feel like just drooling into a cup on my desk for the rest of my day was a viable and more attractive alternative than swallowing because my throat was hurting THAT BAD. So, I went to a drugstore clinic for a rapid strep test and damn if that Asswipe didn't give me strep throat.

Well, I get my antibiotics, figure the next day or so will suck major ass but I'll be fine. Fast forward 12 hours and I wake up in my bed shaking so hard from the chills that for a second I thought maybe someone had installed a magic fingers vibrating mattress on my bed. My temp was 103 and the pain was the worst pain I've ever ever ever had from a sore throat. The worst part was that my throat was so swollen that I physically was unable to swallow so I couldn't get the fever reducer or antibiotic in me. So, I was forced to go to the Emergency Room.

Let's just say that you know your case of strep is really bad when the doctor looks into your mouth and goes, "Holy Geez, that's impressive!" Not what I wanted to hear. So, I got antibiotic injections, I got steroid injections to reduce the swelling so I could swallow again. I got Valium because all steroids cause me to have anxiety issues. And most importantly I got liquid Vicodan because the pain is that excruciating. Unfortunately if the swelling behind my tonsil doesn't dissipate by Saturday, I 'm supposed to make an appointment to have it drained because having a giant needle jammed into my soft palate sounds hella-fun.

Disrespected and infected all in one week.

1 comment:

thelittlebig said...

God, what an ass he is. I wouldn't feel bad even for a second.

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