Thursday, August 12, 2010

Mr. Pants-Melter

I met a guy a few weeks ago and I'm in trouble guys. I like him. A lot.

So, on our last date, he finally kissed that up-against-a-wall kind of way. My biggest problem now is that I'm not sure what date it is that I can sleep with him without being a slut. I was never good at not being a slut apparently because it seems like remembering which date is the "sex date" is pretty rule 1 of "No, I'm not a slut." So, sorry Mom. I'm probably going to screw this up. Good thing you don't read my blog.

So anyway, last night in a fit of bad decisions brought on by the fact that I was stuck at the office still at 9pm and there were no sporks available with which to gouge my own eyes out, I agreed to engage in some stress relief that did not involve ocular mutilation and meet him at his place for some late drinks. Plus he offered to massage out this knot going on in my back as a result of all this hard manual desk-labor. Don't look at me like that, this mouse is heavy if you're a lazy person that eats as much fast food as I do. Anyway, he bribed me with Jack Daniels and promises of massages...that's what I'm getting at. Plus, since the hella-awesome making out from the last date, I was pretty sure that this was going to end up in naked bodies on the floor in a sweaty pile of delicious fun but I wasn't sure if that was okay yet or if I need more dates to reach "not a slut" status. I decided to not care.

But, on the way to his house, I almost had a mental breakdown because I wasn't sure about the landscaping. I mean, I don't usually skip out completely on tending the front lawn but when I'm single it's more of a quick "weedwacker" fashion than a "yoga in the shower to get all the nooks and crannies" fashion. I decided to throw caution to the wind and hope that I could distract him with circus tricks or something if we got that far.

We did not.

Don't get me wrong, there was awesome snuggling, laughing, and some really hot making out. At one point, I kind of thought my pants might just fall off...or melt off...but they did not. And so I left to go home way too late and there was one incident in which his labrador tried to get in on the making out...but despite all that. I can't wait to see him again.

And I'm totally about to do some shower yoga with my razor just in case my pants melt next time I see him. Can't be too careful.

And thus he was dubbed "Mr. Pants-Melter"...God I hope he lives up to it.

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