Savor This!

I should NOT be eating french fries. This is because I joined Weight Watchers like back in February or something and I've lost zero pounds while my girlfriend I joined with is in an entirely new skinnier wardrobe while I still have to lay down to button my fat jeans. My skinny jeans are just taking some time off. And, don't get me wrong, you can have fast food on Weight Watchers, you just have to commit to broccoli for the rest of the day. I'm bad at committing to things like housework and vegetables and so as a result, I've lost no weight and even though I haven't been able to wear my skinny jeans they're still in the laundry hamper because why waste the effort to wash them if I can't wear them anyway?

Today I had a late doctor's appointment and so I waited to have lunch afterwards. I needed something quick. And what's quicker than Wendy's? I thought, I could just get a burger and skip the fries but then I also thought, "well, that's just retarded." So, I got a burger with fries and I was sooooooo excited. You'd think this was the first time I'd had Wendy's in like 3 days and it's really only been 2 (true story).

I taste my delicious fried potatoey treats only to realize, "Whoa these babies need salt." I searched my bag and alas, no salt. I was at a crossroads, either walk all the way to the front of the building carrying my Wendy's box of fries to search for salt in the kitchen or just eat them as they were. Since there was no guarantee of salt in the kitchen, I decided to eat them as they are using that well-known fact that if something doesn't taste as good as you wanted it to, it obviously has zero calories. This is the cornerstone of most diet plans. Eat food we tell you tastes just like the full fat version and when you're all disappointed, the calories disappear and you lose weight. It's been proven, I'm pretty sure.

So, I eat my calorie-free french fries and I'm down to the last one and I decide to savor it as I lean back in my chair with my eyes closed lowering it into my mouth and realize whatever I just put into my mouth is not a french fry at all...it's not even in the potato family! It's the salt packet. FOUND IT! Too late.

Thus, not only did I not get to savor my last french fry because it got upstaged by the salt but I also ate an entire thing of under-salted fries. I am so disappointed. I'm pretty sure that level of disappointment negated the calories from the Big Bacon Classic too. I can totally skip working out today.