Clearing my Karma

Ok, so if we rewind back to like eons ago when I named Mr. Ass-hat and the "red-headed whore" he didn't even bother to dump me for but just invited over to spend the night (probably without even washing the sheets since the last time I had spent the night) and Twitter was the only way I even found out about the whole thing since she posted a picture of his dog in his bed at 9am on a Monday morning which I saw and immediately jumped to all possible conculsions and still don't really know which of those conclusions I was right and wrong about and don't care anymore but at the time felt scorned and therefore angry....caught up now? Yeah, so that's when I named him Mr. Ass-hat. I named her "the red-headed whore" and I think maybe even something about run-on-sentences which apparently bothered me at the time but since then I appear to have been smitten with the same affliction so yeah, whatever. Besides, I'm an engineer, not only are we the kings and queens of run-on sentences but we're not really even qualified to judge a sentence for it's run-onny-ness.

Anyway, after that I kind of started reading her blog in a "stalking your ex's new girl so you can find out why he thinks she's better than you" kind of way.

Then she started following me on Twitter which was all kinds of weird.

After several weeks, I followed her back...I still don't know why.

Then she started INTERACTING with me on Twitter...and like commenting on stuff I said and asking me questions and shit.

And, she makes me laugh. And when I've been sad, she's cheered me up. And when good things have happened for her, I'm genuinely happy for her. And when bad things have happened, I'm genuinely concerned. And, she's adorably cute.

And so, I don't really think she had/has any idea that she accidently lead to the scorning of me by Mr. Ass-hat. It actually wasn't her fault he wanted to invite her to spend the night in his bed with or without clean sheets (and when he's not wearing his ass-hat, he is adorable, so that's probably why she said yes). It wasn't her fault if he didn't tell her he was seeing someone (and if she did know, I don't want to know about that). AND, me and Mr. Ass-Hat were not exclusive...and I'd only stayed at his place once and that's mostly because a water pipe broke in my house.

And now, I find myself looking foward to reading her blog because she's got talent (and way more readers than I have). And, we have a lot of the same Twitter friends and they're awesome. And right now, she's sad...she's very sad and it actually hurts my heart because I know what it's like to be that sad. And if I ran into her out and about, I'd immediately recognize her because she's the cutest damn thing ever and I'd run up to her and hug her like the old friend she's sort of become to me (in an online communication kind of way). And when she's crying over Ass-hat, I'd let her do it on my shoulder...even if I was wearing something that is dry clean only.

And so, we will be renaming her...from here on out, she will be known as my Twitter-Sister. So, if you see someone sad today, give them a hug because for all you know, it might be her. And if you online stalk her like I did, you won't be able to help yourself...you'll love her too.

Karma Can be a B*tch (Slap)

At the risk of sounding bitter, I’ve aptly named the aforementioned potential Mr. Right. He will heretofore be known as Mr. Ass-Hat. Mr. Ass-Hat aroused suspicion last week when his online flirtations with one Ms. Red-headed-run-on-sentence-whore caught my attention. This flirtation wasn’t new, it’s just that something started nagging at my head more and I didn’t think it was her lack of grammatical form. After all, anyone reading my blog knows that grammar is not my sticking point. Being the forward person that I am, I asked him point-blank if he was seeing someone else. This would have been the time to say, “No, I haven’t been seeing someone else, but I was considering asking someone else out on a date.” In fact, even if he’d said, “I have not been seeing someone else but as soon as I can corner her, I plan to boink the daylights out of this chick,” would have been preferable to the path he chose. He went with the path that assures me that there’s no one else, and if there was, we’d discuss it FIRST. Fine, I took away from that conversation that there was the possibility that someone else could come along but I’d have warning before I found her posting pictures from his bed on her twitter page. That, my friends is what earns you nicknames like Mr. Ass-Hat. And let me be clear, when you hear from me and the first thing out of my mouth is a question about the 9am posting on the red-headed slut’s page of the picture of your dog in your bed, you should not assume that I’ll still want to go to the concert next week with you “as friends.” After all, my friends don’t go around performing the emotional equivalent of spitting in my face. That’s the level of respect you just showed me and I’d honestly rather stick forks in my eye than pretend for an entire evening that I’m having a good time with you when all I can think about is, “I wonder if he changed the sheets since the last time I spent the night?” It’s not so much that we’re not going to get a couple Labradors, reproduce wildly and live happily ever after. That part is a long shot in any new relationship. The really hard to swallow part is that Mr. Ass-Hat actually holds me in such low regard that he didn’t stop to care what the ramifications would be when I found out about the red-headed grammar whore. Well, I’m sure you two will be happy together and just remember that what goes around comes around. If karma exists, you just told her you’re ready for one serious cosmic bitch-slap.